Break #2

Hello, Friends!

Yes, you’ve read it right. As much as I am sorry to say this, because in my mind it feels a bit like a failure when I do not keep up with the schedule, this is an announcement about me taking yet another break. This time I am not setting a date of my return, as well. That’s it for the technical info. If you wish, continue reading for my explanations.

If you know me, you’d probably figure out I’m always taking my time before making such a difficult decision. In this case, there were a lot of factors that added up to the stress and general tiredness that I began to experience, first of which being the fact that I, again, started staying up on Friday nights to finish my chapters. It reached its culmination point last Friday when I almost didn’t publish a chapter at all due to feeling very bad and discouraged, yet somehow I still stayed up until half past 1 am or so, despite feeling very tired, and put the post on WordPress on the very Saturday the chapter was published. However, of course it didn’t work out as I wanted and I ended up feeling very dissatisfied with the wedding. I’m even considering remaking it now, because the fact that none of John’s family and friends attended makes me annoyed, because I will have to have a good excuse for it and I’m not planning for such bad family relations for him. And of course, the other reason to it is again my mood and how it has been dropping considerably the darker and colder it gets outside. There are probably other reasons to for it than weather, but for someone like me who takes very badly to the cold, it’s tough to function. All I want these days is to wrap myself in a blanket and never leave the bed. Additionally, I finally read a book! A real, paper book. It was a very good pick, Pet Semetary by Stephen King. I really can’t believe I hadn’t read it until recently, and I am so thankful I decided to. I’ve been thinking a lot about it and about very important issues connected with death that are talked about in this novel. Because of it, I also realized I’m missing out on so many things by choosing to neglect books. I’d love to spend my free time under the said blanket, reading a good book instead of freezing under the blanket in the middle of the night while preparing a chapter and realizing my hands are always going to be damn cold and I’ll always be cold, even despite the blanket, when I spend several hours working on my computer! Frustrating. If you are on tumblr, you saw me having a sort of writing crisis of a kind and I’d like to thank you for the words of encouragement. They are always appreciated even if I can’t really take them to heart with my self-esteem that stays on equally low levels as my mood and my will to be creative and work on my story these days. As I have mentioned before, I was in a very bad state last Friday especially. I was genuinely freaked out when I realized what I was doing just for the schedule. No schedule is worth sacrificing my health, both physical and mental. I feel like the preparation of the latest chapter was really damaging to me and I shouldn’t have worked on the chapter, especially if the price was me feeling like a zombie the whole Saturday, partly to being sleep-deprived.

Apart from these rather personal reasons, this generation is, sadly, still difficult to work out for me. What I have written in the notes for it is vague and largely unorganized, and I’m worried what might become of my story if I follow this path. It’s very stressful not knowing where you’re going with your story and I’m feeling constantly frustrated because of it. I practically live from one chapter to another without having a clear idea on what I want to do in the future of this generation, apart from a mixture of important events I have no idea how I’m going to implement without some filler and such. Of course, I might also tell you how I’m going to edit old stuff, publish poses and blah, blah, blah, but… No, actually I’m putting it a bit further on my priority list, because I really need to figure out my game first, meaning I need to organize the family spread around a new world and actually move in some Sims, because the city is blank spare for them and Clint has already started dating his distant cousin Dana, which creeps me out…

So… I won’t say that I hope you will understand, because I know you will, being such a sweet community as WordPress is. Again, I’m sorry to leave you hanging after about 2 months of regular posting.

See you! ♥


25 thoughts on “Break #2”

  1. Oh no Jowita, I’m so sorry to hear how bad you’re feeling, truly. I also didn’t see your post on Tumblr, or I would have said something. So sorry about that. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. Winter is no fun – it’s often a busy season because of holidays and on top of everything there’s the dark and cold. I always get winter depression and have to take vitamin supplements, so I feel you so much on this.
    I also personally just have to force myself to not work on anything story/Sims related sometimes. Earlier today I was so inspired to go in-game and take pics, but in the end I decided to just crash with a relaxing video game instead. I’m thinking that’s how you feel with your book. It sounds like you needed it!
    Take all the time you need. If you come back in a month or two, that’s cool. If you come back in a year – that’s cool, too. If you decide not to come back – you guessed it: cool. As you’ve already said yourself, you’re part of an awesome and very understanding community, so whatever you decide to do, we’re happy so long as you are.
    Take really good care of yourself. Stay warm and read books and drink tea (if that’s your thing) 🙂 Lots of hugs for you – I hope you feel better soon ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t know if it’s bad. I’m just… more sad than usual? I’ve never been an optimist, but sometimes I just get extra pessimistic. But this period has been going on for way too long, that’s why I said “break”. And I suddenly felt like part of my stress and anxiety instantly went away when I made this decision. I really needed it! I’m so excited to be reading another book soon. Yay!
      Oh, I can’t imagine not coming back. I told myself this is the story I’m going to finish and unless it’s for reasons that can’t be helped like me not being able to play anymore due to computer/ game issues, I am going to keep this promise. Stay with me or don’t, but I am going to reach at least 10th generation before giving it up.
      No, I’m not happy. I wish I could say that but it’s hard for me to stay positive.
      Yes, tea! That’s obviously my thing 😀 Hugs! ♥
      PS: The person I told you about earlier had her tumblr terminated, but she’s back, so we needn’t have worried! 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sounds like you’ve made the right decision – it was the same I felt when I decided to post every other week. I’ve felt much more relaxed and creative since 🙂 Books are just awesome for relaxing!
        I’m glad you’re not giving up. I only added it in because it’s always an option. I’ve scrapped stories that weren’t doing it for me before, but if that’s not what you want, that’s good! I’ll definitely stay around right until the end 🙂
        I understand – like I said, take care. And since tea is your thing: drink LOTS of tea 🙂 I know that’s what I’m going to be doing all winter long, lol 😀
        Ah! That’s great. Glad to know they’re back 🙂 Thanks for telling!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. all authors take a break… and it will help you with you`re creativity and its good to take the pressure off now and again… so take as long as you need, we all understand Jowita… your be back when your ready and only you will know when you are, stay warm and cosy Jowita 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. First off, I want to say if you choose to redo the wedding I would be happy, just as I would be happy if you left it the way it is. I think that is completely up to you. I’m sure we would love to see more pics, but at the same time no one would fault you for not doing it.

    Secondly, the more I talk to people, the more they are saying what I feel…that is the normal gloomy-ness of February that gets so many us of down, has come in November this year. I don’t know if that is simply the weather (I do live in Canada and winter started in October for us this year -How dare it!!) Or if it has anything to do with all the sad/horrifying/maddening events that we have had to endure. 2018 has been a bad year, one I think won’t be forgotten by many for sure. This world has literally experienced the five elements and I’m sure many are wondering if the horsemen have indeed arrived marking this as the ending for us all.

    So do what you need to do. We will be here when you return.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think that redoing the wedding would make me happy. I’ll see if I choose to do it.
      Yes, 2018 hasn’t been a good year and I also do wonder if it’s really the weather or something else.
      Thank you for your support.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m sorry you are feeling so bad. 😢. Sending hugs your way. It’s time to take a break and remove the stress. When your mind is clear and the pressure is off, things will begin to become more manageable. You will have time to do other things you enjoy. Such as reading wonderful books. ❤️❤️❤️ Take your time. We’ll be here.

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  5. I’m so sorry you are feeling so bad Jowita..! About your story, trust me, I completely understand the feeling of not being sure where all is going and not exactly loving it – but I hope it will pass!
    And I totally get that (winter) feeling of just wanting to snuggle under a blanket, drinking something hot and reading a good book. Or just daydreaming and doing nothing! You definitely deserve this break, it’s not right to stress so much over what’s supposed to make you happy – and you should be happy doing it!
    I will agree with Louise that maybe some vitamins could make a huge difference on your energy levels and mood – I know I’ve been taking some, and without them I don’t even know how I would be feeling during those past stressful weeks!
    But please, don’t even think about us – even if we’ve never met irl we still are your friends and want you to be happy and content!
    (Also hmmm… I had a tumblr account but never used it because there were not many people I knew back then… maybe I’ll reconsider now! 😉)
    Take care Jowita! Take your time, rest and I hope you’ll feel better soon! ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This feeling is really stressful and I also hope that it will pass!
      Yes, this winter feeling really gets me down. I also think that I shouldn’t be stressing so much. This story was supposed to distress me, not just stress me even more!
      I will have to think of these vitamins. Maybe they would make a difference.
      Aww, that is so sweet. Of course you are my friends!
      Oh, yes, all Louise, Carys and Lila use tumblr regularly 😀
      Thank you ♥

      Liked by 1 person

  6. It’s not a fix-all solution but vitamin D is great if you don’t already take it! It’ll help keep seasonal depression at bay, too, which is what I use it for.
    I think you’re making the right decision. There’s no point in posting if you don’t feel good about it, and it’s always worth to take the time to make sure you do. I hope you don’t feel too bad about this break – sounds like you need it. Maybe join the fortnight posting crowd once you’re back, too?
    As for writing… the only thing I can say about that is practice and experiment. If there’s anything I can help with, let me know. Not that I’m an expert, haha, but I’m a good editor, and sometimes it helps to talk out story plots with someone if they don’t mind spoilers! Personally, my legacy wouldn’t be what it is, if I hadn’t had my partner in crime back on LJ, who is /still/ helping me flesh out the world we’ve created and making this second version so much better! And I know by the time I get to the end, I’ll look back on it and think of everything I could improve…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. No, I don’t take it. Maybe that’s why I feel like shit, lol.
      Yes, I also thought it over many times and considered it a good decision. Oh, I thought about it, too. Posting fortnight might be a really good solution.
      Thank you for offering your support. I will get there myself, I think, I just need more time. Sometimes we just get stuck on a particular storyline and I don’t want it to be too far-fetched and unrealistic. You are so lucky to have a partner like this! It sounds awesome.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Oh, my poor, sweet Jowita. 😥 I can’t tell you how sorry I am that you’ve been feeling so poorly. I really do think the seasons affect us greatly. In the winter here (and I’m sure where you’re at, too), the skies are usually gray. Everything feels gray. I so understand where you’re coming from. The cold kind of seeps in. I hope that reading books again will help you to feel better. I remember reading Pet Semetary a years ago when I was your age, I think. I liked it, too, and thought it was an important work at the time.

    If there is anything I can do to help brighten your mood, give me a shout on FB. I am at your beck and call. ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, you don’t have to feel sorry for me. I’m just down, it’s all, and a bit overwhelmed.
      I agree in that seasons do affect us greatly. It’s exactly the same where I live, unfortunately. I loved Pet Sematary. I watched the movie just yesterday but as much as I can understand it being something big when it came out, it didn’t impress me half as much as the book.
      That’s very sweet, thank you ♥

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I think the book is almost always better than the movie. They are making a new Pet Semetary which is supposed to be released next year, I think. I wonder how that will be?

        I feel very empathetic toward you, my friend. I hope your spirits are lifted soon. ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  8. I’m sorry you’ve been feeling this way 😢 We will always support your decision because your health and well-being comes first! Please take care.

    I’ve never read Steven King, but seen the pet sematery movie, it’s very creepy! I like those kind of movies though. 😰

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I don’t have so much Internet, so I open the pages I want to read at home and keep them open. But I can’t do anything like turn to a new page, or like/comment. It’s a choice, with two teens who are expensive when it comes to cells… :/

        Liked by 1 person

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