Yes, you’ve read it right. As much as I am sorry to say this, because in my mind it feels a bit like a failure when I do not keep up with the schedule, this is an announcement about me taking yet another break. This time I am not setting a date of my return, as well. That’s it for the technical info. If you wish, continue reading for my explanations.
If you know me, you’d probably figure out I’m always taking my time before making such a difficult decision. In this case, there were a lot of factors that added up to the stress and general tiredness that I began to experience, first of which being the fact that I, again, started staying up on Friday nights to finish my chapters. It reached its culmination point last Friday when I almost didn’t publish a chapter at all due to feeling very bad and discouraged, yet somehow I still stayed up until half past 1 am or so, despite feeling very tired, and put the post on WordPress on the very Saturday the chapter was published. However, of course it didn’t work out as I wanted and I ended up feeling very dissatisfied with the wedding. I’m even considering remaking it now, because the fact that none of John’s family and friends attended makes me annoyed, because I will have to have a good excuse for it and I’m not planning for such bad family relations for him. And of course, the other reason to it is again my mood and how it has been dropping considerably the darker and colder it gets outside. There are probably other reasons to for it than weather, but for someone like me who takes very badly to the cold, it’s tough to function. All I want these days is to wrap myself in a blanket and never leave the bed. Additionally, I finally read a book! A real, paper book. It was a very good pick, Pet Semetary by Stephen King. I really can’t believe I hadn’t read it until recently, and I am so thankful I decided to. I’ve been thinking a lot about it and about very important issues connected with death that are talked about in this novel. Because of it, I also realized I’m missing out on so many things by choosing to neglect books. I’d love to spend my free time under the said blanket, reading a good book instead of freezing under the blanket in the middle of the night while preparing a chapter and realizing my hands are always going to be damn cold and I’ll always be cold, even despite the blanket, when I spend several hours working on my computer! Frustrating. If you are on tumblr, you saw me having a sort of writing crisis of a kind and I’d like to thank you for the words of encouragement. They are always appreciated even if I can’t really take them to heart with my self-esteem that stays on equally low levels as my mood and my will to be creative and work on my story these days. As I have mentioned before, I was in a very bad state last Friday especially. I was genuinely freaked out when I realized what I was doing just for the schedule. No schedule is worth sacrificing my health, both physical and mental. I feel like the preparation of the latest chapter was really damaging to me and I shouldn’t have worked on the chapter, especially if the price was me feeling like a zombie the whole Saturday, partly to being sleep-deprived.
Apart from these rather personal reasons, this generation is, sadly, still difficult to work out for me. What I have written in the notes for it is vague and largely unorganized, and I’m worried what might become of my story if I follow this path. It’s very stressful not knowing where you’re going with your story and I’m feeling constantly frustrated because of it. I practically live from one chapter to another without having a clear idea on what I want to do in the future of this generation, apart from a mixture of important events I have no idea how I’m going to implement without some filler and such. Of course, I might also tell you how I’m going to edit old stuff, publish poses and blah, blah, blah, but… No, actually I’m putting it a bit further on my priority list, because I really need to figure out my game first, meaning I need to organize the family spread around a new world and actually move in some Sims, because the city is blank spare for them and Clint has already started dating his distant cousin Dana, which creeps me out…
So… I won’t say that I hope you will understand, because I know you will, being such a sweet community as WordPress is. Again, I’m sorry to leave you hanging after about 2 months of regular posting.
See you! ♥