Chapter 5.21 Never-do-it-again pt.1

The corridors are empty and quiet, which makes me feel as though I was in some sort of a horror movie and something was just about to jump at me and kill me. Would it be someone with a knife or a gun, or maybe some supernatural creature? That I don’t know, so I just keep walking, trying to focus my attention on my feet which make slow, hesitant steps. I fight the urge to touch my throat, searching for something I haven’t yet told anyone about. I am going to find out the results of the tests I underwent some time ago and see what it is that’s causing all this pain for me. Somehow, I have a suspicion I know what that thing is, but I keep pushing the thought away. I refuse to make it real. It’s actually unreal. This whole situation feels as though it was happening to a movie character, not to me. Why would it happen to me after everything seemed to be looking up? Maybe I know the answer. What if it’s this curse that somehow…

“Mrs. Calloway. Please take a seat,” doctor Howard invites me to his office and I plop down on the chair, feeling as if I weighed a ton, when in reality I’ve been fading fast for the past few weeks.

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I can’t recall the time I’d last been so thin in my life. Was there even a time like that? It seems like forever ago that I gave birth to twins and was constantly complaining about weighing too much. The times may not have been ideal then, but I would do everything to be in a different timeline, an alternative reality in which I wouldn’t have to go through this visit. I gulp as I look the doctor square in the eye. Somehow, I feel as if I were in Mrs. Turner’s office once again. I wish I could see her again. Maybe she’d tell me how to sort it out once the doctor told me…

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“I am sorry to inform you, Mrs. Calloway, but the results of your tests showed a certain anomaly in your throat, in the area where your voice box is located. This is caused by…” The doctor begins, looking down on the papers on his desk and sliding his fingers along the sheets. My heart now beats uncontrollably and I cannot stand it anymore, feeling as though he was getting nowhere in this speech that didn’t provide me with any valuable information at all.

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“So, tell me, doctor, how long will I live?” I try to joke, but the fake smile I produce doesn’t quite reach my eyes. It fades in a second when I don’t get an answer. The doctor just looks down on the table, either sad or caught up in the process of calculating. “…seriously, though?” I attempt again.

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“Not long if you do not start your treatment as soon as possible.” He looks me in the eye and slowly exhales.

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“It’s voice box cancer, Mrs. Calloway.”

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I feel all the faint hopes I kept inside of me crush all at once. I wasn’t wrong. My suspicions were all right. For the first time in my life I realize what it’s like to be right and not be happy about it. Happy? I am petrified. Not only do I hate to be right, I also hate to be experiencing a scene which looks just too much like one that could be used in a dramatic movie set up.

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My throat suddenly hurts, yet it isn’t the same pain as usual. It is the one you experience when you feel you’re about to cry. I swallow, which hurts so much that the tears are now dangerously close to burst out from under my eyelids. I try to focus my attention on what the doctor is saying.

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“Please keep calm, Mrs. Calloway. I know what it sounds like, but you have to understand that it could be worse. Much worse. The tumor is still relatively small, so we should be able to surgically remove it. Good news is it hasn’t yet started spreading towards other areas.”

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“It is,” he cuts, searching for the right word, “…promising,” he finally adds. I look at him with disbelief most likely apparent on my face, as he begins to explain it further.

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“I promise it will be good. We will set a date for your operation and perform a partial laryngectomy and then… It will be good,” he repeats, clearly at loss for words. “You are a singer, am I right?” The doctor adds. I nod, unable to form a coherent response. “I’m sorry,” he then says. “You will definitely not be able to sing again, however the use of electrolarynx shall make it possible for you to talk. It will sound robotic, but…”

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I can sense he’s rambling, hoping that the talk will be soothing for me, but in fact it’s the opposite. With each word that comes out of his mouth, it all becomes more real. Not unreal anymore. It is starting to feel as though it is happening to me, not some fictional character that’s going to be completely fine when the movie comes to an end. The actress will be fine, it’s not her illness that she has to live with – or die due to. She overcomes it when she’s played her role. I’m the character. I’m stuck in this movie with no way out and no spoilers as to what the ending is going to be. I’m starting to feel nauseous and my legs start to tremble. Seeing my state, the doctor rushes to talk some more. “I reckon you will need time to process this, Mr. Calloway. Please call me when you feel better so that we can set a date for your surgery. But do not take too long, otherwise…” He pauses and I think I do not want him to end this sentence, so I just nod again and turn away to leave his office. But when I open the door, I almost bump into a nurse who breathes quickly indicating her run to doctor Howard’s office.

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I murmur something incoherent that I hope she takes as an apology and try to go past her, but she doesn’t let me.

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“Wait! I’ve been searching for you, Mrs. Calloway. It’s about Fast T- Your husband. It’s about your husband. He has just gotten escorted to the hospital. I was told you were there and I was hoping to catch you before you leave. Please come with me…”

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“Reggie? What is he doing here? I…” I stammer out, trying to make sense out of her rushed words. What is that supposed to mean? Why would Reggie be in the hospital? I frantically search for answers, for a reason to this all, but can’t find one.

“I will explain it all on the way to his room. Now go.” Startled, I follow the nurse, wondering what had happened. As I listen to her while she recounts the events, I realize how naive I was to have thought that this day could not get any worse…

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40 thoughts on “Chapter 5.21 Never-do-it-again pt.1

  1. Aaand here comes all the bad 😦 Hailey won’t be able to speak regularly and Reggie… some sort of accident? Or something else to do with his health, maybe. I think I remember them worrying about him… It’s really sad 😦 They were almost kind of happy for a while. But of course, we knew something bad had to happen. I’m on the edge of my seat waiting for next week – thanks for sharing, Jowita 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Unfortunately, yes. You mean the bad as in the bad of my lack of medical knowledge? Then yes. I tried to avoid going into details as much as I could not to mess anything up. I’m not going to lie and pretend to be an expert in this field.
      Reggie, oh my… There’s whole new lot of misery on the horizon. 😦
      Almost kind of happy – agreed. But the good never lasts long, especially in this story.
      Thank you, Louise. Can’t say I’m exactly pleased. You just know that I did it overnight – again. Not proud.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Jowita! You hopefully know that’s NOT what I meant! Tsk, tsk 😛
        Really, it’s not bad. Medicine is difficult, you know, and I’m sure we all make mistakes about it all the time. I feel you on doing things at the last possible moment. That’s how I’ve often done things, even if I’ve gotten better at preparing stuff in advance… I think you did well, considering that you did it so late! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Ohhh…. yep… the big C. And I was worried about her surviving and dealing with it. With Reggie’s help and now….I fear he was either in a bad accident or had a heart attack, something that is going tomtake him away from her when she needs him the most. I am typing this with tears in my eyes. She has grown so much and worked through so many heartbreaks to know she will probably just give up. I hope not. Looking forward to the next chapter. 😢😢

    Liked by 2 people

    1. The big C. Unfortunately… So unfair to think she hasn’t smoked a single cigarette in her life while her father was perfectly healthy, at least physically (mentally not so much).
      Oh… We will find out in the next chapter whether Reggie makes it or not. Either way it’s serious with him and it is no good news for Hailey. At least Candy and Frank are okay… We will see about the kids.
      I am so sorry I made you cry… again. I didn’t know whether this one was that heavy. I kept it short without going into much detail, but cancer is a big thing, it always is. I hope she doesn’t give up… First losing Dellie, then having to put an end to the toxic relationship with Cedric, later dealing with Reggie’s habits. Just as things started looking up, she found out about cancer…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I know. I think that’s what was the hardest is that she finally seemed to be in a good place, even if Reggie was getting older. She knew that was coming…sooner or later anyway. It’s okay. I cry super easy. I have no idea why I get so emotional… lol…

        Liked by 1 person

  3. So does that mean the big C is the other shoe dropping or Reggie? This poor girl and what have you done to REGGIE? I really hoped it wouldn’t be cancer. Such a sore topic for so many of us in this world. Have you known anyone or had to take care of anyone with cancer yourself? It’s ….I’m sitting here shaking my head for lack of a impact-ful word to describe how it is.

    Seriously waiting for Part 2 to easy my worries.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well, first there is cancer, another thing is what happened to Reggie which will be covered in the next chapter. It is a sore topic which I immediately felt sorry that I wrote about. No, I had nothing to do with cancer, which is a good thing, probably, but not for my experience that I need for writing about it. So I will likely go around this topic as much as I can.
      I am a bit worried it might only deepen your general discomfort about Hailey and Reggie’s situation.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Like the others have mentioned, looks like our brief bit of happiness is over with not one, but two pieces of bad news 😞 Of course Hailey’s throat pain couldn’t be due to anything else even though I hoped it would. Reggie is a lot older than her… but he’s still not THAT old, I’m hoping he’s hospitalized for some accident he can heal from and not because of failing health because of his age. The only slightly positive that comes out of this is that it hasn’t spread yet, so Hailey’s chances of recovery are good, right?… but with this story, you never know. I’m hoping the twins don’t become orphans because that would just be a gut punch, I mean they wouldn’t be completely alone, they’d have Candy but still, that’s not the same. Needless to say, I anxiously await pt. 2 and hope it isn’t as horrible as I’m fearing it will be. ❤️💔

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It is over and it will continue to be worse from now on, I fear. It is due to cancer, I’m genuinely sorry about writing about such a serious topic in my writing yet again. You can never describe it accurately, though it is a blessing for me that I don’t know enough to describe it well.
      Reggie is not that old and his situation may be due to something different than just health issues… But we’ll see about that.
      Yes, Hailey’s chances of recovery are good, but it’s still heartbreaking for her knowing she won’t be able to sing or speak properly.
      At least Candy and Frank have been good so far… Part 2 coming next week… It is a sad one.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. well Jowita… your certainty taking us on emotional rollercoaster. I think every family has been effected by this or knows someone who has… I hope somehow Hailey will get through this, she been through so much already

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Definitely. It’s such a horrible condition that has already killed so, so many people and we still don’t have a cure. Keeping my fingers crossed for Hailey and her recovery.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Misfortunes never come singly. The singer will be taken the voice and the racer has been stopped abruptly. Life can be cruel and you are known for being consequent in your choices. Nevertheless, I hope Reggie will not taken away from Hailey yet. On the other hand, if you worry for your loved, there will be less time to worry for yourself. Strong People just do, what they have to do.
    Years ago, a man I knew quite good, got voice box cancer and had to speak through an electrolarynx after. He kept his job, even if he had to talk to people all day as a bank manager.
    So i wish, Hailey (and Reggie) may find the strengh to fight for themselves.
    Breathtaking news, Jowita. I can hardly wait till next week.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Misery loves company. Life definitely is cruel for my characters and it’s now Hailey’s turn to suffer. Worrying for your loved ones makes it easier to forget about your own suffering…
      The man you knew must have had a lot of strength. It’s an inspiring story and I do hope for the best for Hailey.
      They will need a fair amount of strength for sure.
      Next week we will find out about what happened to Reggie. It will be rough.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Oh no, here comes the end-of-generation misfortunes. Poor, poor Hailey. We all know how much singing meant to her, and now that it’s going to be taken away… I hope she does go through with the operation soon. I’d hate to see her did so young from something that pitentially could have been stopped. And noooo Reggie too? Car crash? Or health problem? Please tell me the kids won’t end up as orphans…

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I knew the happy couldn’t have lasted forever, but that doesn’t make it easier to read. Cancer is a tough thing, both mentally and physically. I have had to deal with my fair share of seeing the affects of cancer on my family and friends. My heart goes out to the children. And if that wasn’t enough, Reggie is also in the hospital. I don’t know how much more my heart can take.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Every time you bring up these tough topics you always seem to handle them with the maturity and respect that they deserve. And I know that this won’t be any different.
        Hailey, Reggie, and the whole family have a tough road ahead of them. That will be for sure. I am on the edge of my seat until next week.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oh, do you really think so? I’m really trying not to be too offensive, even though, like I told Lila, there’ll always be offended people, you can’t prevent that, but you should always be gentle as much as possible. I was never trying to go for the shock effect too much and my story has never been gory or anything. That’s as much as I could do.
        There’s a lot in store for the family.

        Liked by 2 people

  9. My heart sunk when I saw the title. Time for things to spiral down, down, down!
    Poor Hailey. What a thing to go through – and possibly without her husband too. I feel bad for her kids as well. THis will be incredibly tough for them.
    What a day!!
    Oh, by the way, here I think you meant live at the end – ““So, tell me, doctor, how long will I leave?””
    Great chapter, I can’t wait to see how it wraps up!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Down, down, down, for sure.
      This will definitely be tough for everyone involved in this messy situation.
      This day possibly couldn’t get any worse… But you never know!
      Yes, I sure did. First I wrote proceed instead of process than leave instead of live. I just have no idea why I keep doing this. I think I have major concentration issues. Thank you for pointing that out!

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Corrected it now! Gosh, I so hope that’s where my silliness ends. I seriously don’t know why I keep doing this. That must be the effect of not enough sleep and writing at the last moment.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I had a feeling this was going to be the problem with Hailey… a little part of me hoped it wouldn’t be that, but I wasn’t very optimistic about it.
    But then you go and take us by surprise again! I wonder what happened with Reggie… it’s true that he’s old, but I wonder if maybe he decided to take one of his cars for a spin and had some sort of accident because of that?
    I don’t believe he’ll die just yet, maybe Hailey will be forced to take her of him instead of taking her of herself? 😢
    Whatever it is, I can’t wait to read all about it – you never cease to surprise us Jowita!
    (But you know we love it ❤)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, the big C is Hailey’s problem. I wish I didn’t have to do this to her, but that’s just how it goes… I can’t really fight with what my storyteller mind tells me to do next.
      Yes, it’s so not the end of this… ending. Reggie’s state is quite severe, I may tell you.
      It is likely that Hailey will have to take care of him.
      I hope you enjoy despite… you know… all the negativity.
      I sort of seem to surprise you 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Oh my, double bad news… I had a feeling something would happen to Reggie. And poor Hailey, this is exactly the kind of news she doesn’t want after just being diagnosed 😥
    For the sake of the kiddos and obviously themselves, I hope both of them will be able to pull through. But I since the next chapter is never-do-it-again part 2, hopes aren’t high. I’m not sure but will that be the last chapter of Gen 5, then?
    Good chapter, I’m scared but looking forward to seeing what happens next!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It never rains, it pours. 😦
      No one would want this kind of news, especially after such diagnosis.
      Hopefully, they will be able to go on.
      You are absolutely right, the next chapter is the last chapter of generation 5. Then you shall expect a bonus post (I haven’t forgotten about Clinton and introducing him to his family by blood). Then there will be Epilogue and likely OC tags for my gen. 5 characters. I hope to move on to Ron after all that.
      Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Did you have to complicate her life so much? Not only Hailey has a throat cancer and she won’t be able to speak, but her husband is in hospital in the same day. It’s too much to deal with, you cruel and heartless writer.
    Hannah’s diagnosis wasn’t a surprise for me. Attention (moment of truth): Someone in my family died of throat cancer two or three years ago. And I accidentally (or my phone) has been writing a word cancer in my native language a few days ago. Besides, you don’t have to be a genius to recognize this disease. But Hailey will live, you don’t kill her (now). She just won’t be able to speak.
    Reggie will live too. I think he lost a lot of blood and can be in bad state, but he could lost his leg or hand at most. Or he could be in a comma, it could be good and it’s possible.
    What can we expect? In my view, we can expect something like that, because miracles chose another story a long time ago.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, I unfortunately had to complicate her life so much. Definitely a lot to deal with.
      Oh, I am so sorry that I brought up this subject after someone in your family died of throat cancer.
      Who knows what is up with Reggie. We will soon find out.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. I think I would react similarly to how Hailey reacted to the situation. It just wouldn’t feel real at first.

    Honestly losing her voice is enough, so what could be wrong with Reggie? I’m not sure if it’s good or bad that the nurse wouldn’t say right away.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s how I’d feel, too. It just sounds so surreal, it happening to you and not just the people we hear about on the news, etc.
      Ah, Reggie has his fair share of trouble.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Oh, dear. I knew something bad was happening to Hailey and my worst fears are confirmed. If only Reggie was okay and could support her but now there is something going on with him as well. I feel really bad for them both.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Just what I thought… Will Hailey have the strength to go through with the treatments or will she end it before? Will she fight, and will she have the support needed to? Can’t wait, am off reading next chapter immediately!

    Liked by 1 person

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