My name is Frank Cavender, I’m a law student, 22 and I’m ga…
Okay, that has to be the worst introduction ever. Let’s try again.
Hi! It’s me, Frank. I’m 22, on my 4th year of law and I’m also married to the best man in the world – that is Way, short for Waylon, my life partner I look up to, each day just wishing I had this amazing self-confidence of his. But then, there is also Clint, short for Clinton, our son, who’s already 3 years old. How time flies! But really, Clint is not my biological son, neither he is Waylon’s, he is in fact my step brother. Yet that is probably too complicated for this first time I’m trying to write something coherent about my life, so maybe I will not delve into details. As far as I’m concerned, he is part of our loving family and you see, that’s what it really counts! What really worries me about this is how many people cannot see what really counts. Just thinking about my father makes me sick to my stomach.
I will never be able to voice how much suffering he’s caused me. Someone who’s straight, I think, will never understand how diminishing the act of coming out can be, especially if the right to come out yourself is taken away from you, which is how it was in my case. To this day I just have no idea how he’d found out beforehand…
I don’t think I want to know, because another thing that makes me sick to my stomach is how people just try to tell me they know I’m gay, because it just shows. I don’t think I can tell they’re straight, because it shows?
But Way… Well, Waylon wants to take me to the Pride Parade. The manifestation in which you fight for being treated equally with the “straights”. Some people will say that we do not have anything to fight for anymore and clearly, they just have no idea how many people there are who still cause so much suffering to us. So what if we have the right to marry? That doesn’t mean that people will automatically treat us as… people. Yes, just that simple. I don’t want to be told I’m a sodomite anymore, that I’m living in a sin for loving someone and wanting to be with them. With him, actually! I’ve heard enough living with a man who claimed he’s Catholic. The very same man who had a lover in my best friend, while being married to my mother. Needless to say, they’re not together anymore.
But the thought of attending a parade scares me. Sure, I back this idea, but I am just scared. The world scares me, so I try to build these walls around me to protect myself from more suffering. Waylon doesn’t understand that. He’s performing some kind of emotional blackmail on me, saying I don’t want to go to that parade with him, because I am ashamed of him and in turn clearly do not love him as much as I claim. I’m hurting when he says those things. He knows what effect he has on me. Making my skin crawl when he’s around. He still sometimes manages to make my cheeks red. And here I thought I’ve grown out of this. But what I love the most is how he says my name. The softness in his voice when he shortens it to Frankie is what gets me every time. I can’t voice how lucky I am to have him as my husband. I just wish he didn’t insist as much. Guess that’s what you get for marrying an advocate who happens to be a son of an advocate as well. Don’t get me wrong, I love him and think he’s awesome. Doubt I’d ever do as well as a lawyer, though. Way just seems cut out for the job.
Lately I’ve been exploring LGBTQ content on YouTube. It warms my heart to see so many people similar to me just being themselves. It makes me feel better, and each day I feel more like a real part of this community. It’s hard to admit that your parents may not be right in every field and what they say is not always right. Admitting this, however, is a part of growing up. For me this growing up is definitely taking longer than it is for other people. It’s okay, though. Someday, I hope, I will be more self-confident. Probably never as much as Way, but I’m getting there. I just need time, something my husband is not willing to give me. Living with someone really opens your eyes to some things, such as the fact that they have flaws as well. No, my partner is definitely not a perfect person, and he evidently lacks in patience. When asked, though, he’d tell you it’s all me for I am limited and refuse to be truly me. I won’t deny that there is some truth in that…
Waylon came home today when I was watching a lyric video for Troye Sivan’s Bloom along with our “Clint Boy”, as he likes to call him. I have to say I love the visuals and the artist as well. He reminds me a bit of Waylon with his self-confidence. I don’t think I am able to tell the amount of times I rewatched the entire “Blue Neighbourhood” trilogy. Not that I’d show it to Clint. Definitely too sexual for a child this young! He wouldn’t understand anyway.
When hubby came home, he instantly rushed to kiss me and Clint in a form of greeting. Then he leaned in to see what I was watching.
“Troye again, huh?” He asked, rolling his eyes. “One may think you like this guy more than your own husband. You’ve been watching this video all the time ever since it came out. Are you sure you don’t have some studying to do, Frankie?” Sometimes it is as if he treated my studies more seriously than me, and I’m that kind of a panicky guy who feels like he doesn’t know a thing before the test and then aces it anyway. And really, Way? Like I could even be attracted to a digitially made guy in the video? Let’s be serious.
“No, I’m done with exams for now, I told you. Plus, I thought Clint would enjoy the video. It’s almost like a cartoon.”
“Cartunes, cartunes!” Clint chimed in, clapping. Yeah, it’s worrying how much this boy loves television. Maybe we should invest in something more educational for him?
“You do realize what this song is really about, though, don’t you, Frankie?” Way asked, visibly amused. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you that my hubby sometimes tends to treat me as a complete philistine. I know that he comes from an intellectual family, but that doesn’t give him the right to feel as if he was better than others, but that tendency sometimes rears its ugly head, especially if he wants to remind me he finished his studies and I still have a bit to go!
“Yeah, I do. Flowers and gardens. Very fit for the summer.” Way just rolled his eyes again in response. How can he even look so hot while he’s treating me like an idiot? Some things will always stay a mystery to me.
“Oh, Frankie, you’re so clueless and innocent it’s almost hurting me. But I guess we have a lifetime ahead of us to work on that, don’t we? First we’ll start with a little para…” I sighed, interrupting him. And here we go again. I glanced at Clinton, happily bouncing on the sofa. It breaks my heart when we have to argue around him.
“I’m not going to any parade, Way. I told you we wouldn’t have anyone to leave Clint with.” I said, knowing it’s not a primary reason for my unwillingness and aware of the fact that, unfortunately, Waylon has the ability to see right through me.
“You’re making a big deal out of it. It’s only a few days in Bridgeport, which you may benefit a lot from.” He argued. I looked at him almost apologetically.
“I’m not convinced.”
“Then be! I can’t believe it. I mean, you’re married to me, a man, you’re benefiting from what so many people before us have fought so hard for, and you can’t even drag your bu…” At that moment he looks at Clint.”…body to the freaking parade, which fights for equality! June is Pride Month, in celebration of the Stonewall Inn events. June is quickly coming to an end, though, and we haven’t been to any sort of celebration. You know how important it is to show we are here, always have been and will always be?” Then he stormed out of the room.
“Wait! Way!” I ran after my husband, desperately trying to stop him, but he shut the door to our bedroom, not letting me in.
At that moment I felt my heart sink and my cell phone ringing…
Note: Hi, guys, it’s me! You probably weren’t expecting me back that quickly, but I currently have a lot of time on my hands and so I finished installing and copying everything and here we go with the first post prepared on my new computer, which I’ve already grown to love. The magic of CAS categories loading in seconds… Anyway, referencing the events of this bonus, I wanted to delve more into Frank’s character and to, again, tie the loose ends – so that you would know that no, Hailey outing Frank back in their teenage years wasn’t something that came and went away, he actually had to suffer a lot because of her actions. But he seems happy now… and what is it again?
- “Are you sinking the Fraylon ship, are you out of your mind, Jowita?”
- “What do you think you are doing?!”
- “Make Fraylon great again, and do it now!”
Uh, yeah, I am not, and saying that before a wild crowd with rakes and torches comes after me to burn me at the stake. So basically Waylon and Frank come from very different social backgrounds and they have difficulty understanding one another. Way was raised in a very liberal household and his family was very supportive whilst Frank’s… You get the picture. Oh, and of course Bloom is an actual song, to quote Genius, “described as a gay anthem with sexual undertones about “the receptive partner losing his virginity”.” So maybe you get now why Waylon was finding the whole situation so amusing. But Frank really had no idea. Don’t worry too much about the call, though – all will be explained when the right time comes (aka Saturday with another Hailey chapter). Also sorry for practically ignoring Clinton the whole time, but I was focused on something entirely different. Doesn’t he look just like Cedric, though?
Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it. According to my plans, I should have another little post on Wednesday. Just something specifically made for the mentioned here Pride Month ❤